


Yuan Fen

by sangieyoun



Category: Day6 (Band), JYP - Fandom, Kpop - Fandom, myday - Fandom
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Light Angst, Romance, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:14:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22909201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sangieyoun/pseuds/sangieyoun
Summary: The day Younghyun finally sees her.
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

**2014**

It was in my high school when I first met Kang Younghyun. I guess you could call it love at first sight but at that time I wasn’t sure. I considered myself to be awfully young back then to understand the aspects of falling in love.

Maybe it’s the way he smiles, or the way his cute slanted eyes dart from the crowd or how he would open his mouth and let out the most beautiful voice I have ever heard.

It was really nothing special in how I met him. He was just at the cafeteria and he and his friends just happened to sit beside our table and he just started singing with his friend plucking the guitar beside him.

I couldn’t tell anyone about this fascination I have for him. After all, he wasn’t someone I’d go for that easily. He’s too friendly and approachable. He looks fun to be around and he’s also too good looking. He’s way out of my league. 

So I would just stare at him asking myself why am I so drawn to him? What’s so special about the way he smiles? What is so special about his slaty eyes? IS this some type of pressure? Because a lot of girls like him. Am I seeing him that way only because of what I’m hearing from girls who like him?

I never got to talk to him during that time.

I was too scared, too nervous and too confused that graduation came and I wasn’t able to do anything but stare at him.

**2016**

The second time I met Younghyun was in a public library.

I’d like to call it a pure coincidence because I wasn’t really someone who would go to a library to borrow books. But Hayi, my friend and partner for my marketing class, is sick and she needs a book and she has to borrow it from the library and so I did for her, being a good friend that I am.

He had his eyes closed and his pen was on the verge of slipping out of his hand

He changed a lot. 

His hair got longer but it was hard to tell since it was brushed up on his head. His hair was gray. He was a little thin, fit I guess. He lost all his baby fats and he got more muscular. I didn’t know what happened to him but he got really really handsome.

My heart skipped inside my chest at the mere sight of him. The librarian had to repeat her question before I regained my own consciousness.

And maybe at first I was doubtful if he’s really Younghyun but when he opened his eyes and looked around disorientedly, I saw his eyes and there was no mistaking it. I’ve stared at his eyes long enough for me to memorize it. He’s really Kang Younghyun.

I looked away, unable to look at him anymore. I wasn’t even supposed to feel this palpitating thing anymore. I have a boyfriend!

And faith must be messing up with me pretty bad because to my horror, the book I’m borrowing was not on its shelf and is currently in use by a certain person named Kang Younghyun

“If you want to borrow it, I suggest you talk to that guy over there to arrange things with him.”

I dragged myself on where he was sitting, dreading how to talk to him. I never got the guts to talk to him in high school and this time isn’t any different.

I sat in front of him. He didn’t notice me because he had his eyes closed again and his pen about to slip off his hand.

The book I needed to borrow was beside him. I could just take it and go but that would make me look bad and he would ask the librarian about the book or something-

I didn’t notice that he was awake and when he cleared his throat, I looked up directly at his eyes,

“Yes?” he asked in his low voice. It was a bit hoarse, due to the lack of use I suppose.

Bile caught in my throat at the sound of his voice and suddenly I felt like I’m in high school again, staring at him from afar.

I bit my lip, flustered because I was staring at him a little longer than usual.

“Uhm, how… how many days are you going to read the book?”

He looks tired but he looked at the book at his side

“What book?” he asked, and he’s voice was about to make my heart beat out of my ribcage. 

No guy had made me feel like this before.

“That book.” I said pointing beside him.

He looked at it too then back to me, in daze.

“Oh, do you need it?” he asked.

I nodded.

“I’m just about to read it, taking references. I would probably be done with it today. Do you need to take it home?” he arranged the papers in front of him and I noticed a lot of references, paraphrases littered on the paper.

I nodded again, giving him a small smile.

He stared at me, unnerving every fibre in my body at the way his eyes dart from mine. It’s different in high school because he never really laid eyes on me unlike now that the weight of it was all on me, immobilizing me.

“Do you mind staying here until I finish my paper? I promise I’ll give you the book.” He said looking so unsure at his offer.

I licked my lips, avoiding his eyes because he looked so cute with his usually bright eyes were a little droopy.

“Okay, I could do that.”

He grinned. “Great! I’m Younghyun by the way.” He offered me a hand.

Heart shaking I took it; shook it.

“Nam Hyeri”

He furrowed his eyebrows. “Name? Your name sounds familiar.”

“Common surname?” I said, dropping my hand on the table.

He shook his head, letting his hand fall on the table too. He looks so cute while he thinks what was so familiar with my name I fought the urge to straighten his eyebrows.

“No, I heard that name before. High school?”

Is he aware of me at that time?

“If your surname is Kang-“

“It is.” He cut me off but I hurried off.

“-then you must be from the same high school as I am.”

He then pointed at me as realization dawned on him.

“You’re from the theatre club, along with Jaehyung right?”

I smiled. “The very same”

“Wow, small world huh?” he said in amazement, leaning on the chair, looking at me amusedly

I smiled knowingly, finding his statement ironic.

_ Small world indeed. _

_____

Turns out, Kang Younghyun lives in the same dorm as mine. He’s just on the upper floor. How it goes unnoticed in my knowledge will forever be a mystery. I thought I knew all the people in our dorm.

We became friends because of that. Sometimes we would have the same schedules (which were on Wednesdays and Saturdays) and we would go together to a nearby café to have our breakfast.

The butterflies came back but it’s more intense, affecting not just my brain but also my heart and almost everything inside my body. It was scary, nerve wracking yet so beautiful too.

Maybe it was at this time when I began to question the borderline between puppy love and the so called infatuation. I still consider myself to be too young to know about love; too soon to consider myself in love with Younghyun. After all, it could be just because it’s the first time in years I got to see him again. It could be just infatuation because the feelings were more powerful unlike in high school.

I broke up with Dowoon after a few months since I met Younghyun at that library. I don’t want to lie to him. I also don’t want to lie to myself. Dowoon makes me smile, he makes me laugh, he makes me feel  _ that _ feeling but it’s different with Younghyun. He doesn’t need to do anything. He just needs to be there and I’d get  _ that _ feeling like I can’t breathe, like every space there is in my stomach is occupied by butterflies and air and it’s just… crazy. And I don’t want to take that away from Dowoon. I don’t want to deprive him of the chance of finding someone who he can love more than he loves me. I want him to have someone who will see fireworks and sunshine when he comes around just like how I see Younghyun when he does.

He’s a sweet guy, but he’s not for me.

And apparently, so was Younghyun.

A week after I broke up with Dowoon, Younghyun got himself a girlfriend named Kim Mira.

I guess it’s okay considering that I’m still so confused with how I feel about him. Is it just a crush? Puppy love? Infatuation? I don’t know. We were still too young to meddle on these kinds of things. 

But I couldn’t deny the jealousness sipping through me. Maybe it’s really an infatuation. I can’t stand to see Mira and him together. I can’t stand them together. 

So I tried to find the solution by letting my bestfriend, Hayi set me up on dates.

I pretend that I’m enjoying it. That it doesn’t make me uncomfortable whenever Younghyun would ask for a double date with me and some guy I was set up with. I pretend to not see Mira and him kiss on the balcony of the restaurant.

I’m too young to understand love anyway.

One night, when I was able to keep Younghyun by myself (which was rare since Mira and he got together), we were sitting on the roof deck, overlooking the busy street he surprised me by asking,

“Are you okay?”

It was a simple question. 

I looked up ready to give him the generic laugh, the generic mocking when my eyes come in contact with his.

There was something that I can’t explain in there. For a moment, I was unable to move. I wanted to understand what he was implying but I’m no Shakespeare. I don’t get it. I really don’t so I looked away, giving him a small smile and the generic answer that doesn’t feel like the right answer at that moment.

“I’m fine,”I said.

He looked down and I wanted to take back what I said but he smiled at me, dismissing the question and that was it.

_____

It was almost graduation, Mira and Younghyun were long over but I’m in a relationship with Seungcheol. I figured it would be better to have myself taken by someone rather than feel like I’m taken by someone even though I’m really not.

Hayi came into my room one day, demanding some help on our business class.

We were taking a break after two straight hours of studying when she opened my laptop and saw that my background was a picture of me and Younghyun.

“You know,” she started, opening up iTunes and logging in her account “you and Younghyun are so perfect for each other”

My heart stopped at what she said. It was not the first time I’ve heard someone say it but it just felt so different.

“Younghyun?” I said, voice mocking. Just like I do whenever someone voices that out.

She spared me a glance. “Yeah you’ve known each other for a long time and I’ll call it bull if you’ve never liked each other ever.”

“If we do, we could have been together some time now.” I argued even though she was right… so dead right.

She rolled her eyes, giving me her full attention “That’s the thing it’s always a bad timing. When you’re single, he’s taken. When you’re taken, he’s single.”

I scrunch my eyebrows just for a show that it was not making any sense to me even though it does. It really does.

“You know you’re lucky. Younghyun’s just right in front of you, he’s just there yet you’re not doing anything.” She shrugged her back.

She’s right. Younghyun’s right in front of me, he’s just wasn’t looking ahead but rather beside him.

I fought the cry of frustration from breaking out on my lips.


	2. 2020 - 2025

**2020**

So maybe Younghyun would have noticed how I remained single after my last boyfriend which was Seungcheol three years ago but no, I don’t think he did. He labelled us as best friends, graduated with flying colors, still together even going on the corporate world. 

He was yet again in another relationship with a girl named Jung Nayeon.

It was his longest relationship. Three years and they were still together. They’re perfect for each other.

He invited me to the beach one day. He said he needed time to think and as it turns out, he needed a breather. His girlfriend Nayeon had been pestering him for marriage.

It bothered me. It hurts me. I wanted to get angry but who am I to get angry? I’m just his bestfriend. Why won’t he notice me for once? Am I really just a friend to him?

“Do you love her?” I asked quietly, brushing my feet at the soft sandy dunes on my feet, looking ahead because tears were so close to breaking out and I have to hold it in. I have to.

Younghyun peered at me from the corner of his eyes. “What kind of question is that?”

“Just give me an answer.”

He shrugged. “I love her I just don’t see her as a wife to be.”

“Maybe you’re looking at it the wrong way.”

He seemed to consider this. He took a swig of his beer before turning again in my direction.

“Do you know Yuan Fen?”

I looked at him, smiling despite the need to just cry. “Is it a zodiac thing?”

“No dummy” he chuckled. “Yuan Fen is fate. When translated it means the fateful coincidence.”

I stared at him and he continued.

“It’s like karma. It’s meeting someone from your past life and whatever you’ve done in that life, affects the now in the people. Like uneven clock gears spinning and colliding but not actually fitting for each other.” 

He looked at me and right then and there, I knew he was telling me something again. But I’m stupid, I don’t get it. Maybe I’m as much as that kid five years ago.

“Yuan Fen is like a saying that you’re bound to meet but not to be together.”

Heart on my throat, I smiled again, more painful than the first one. “Maybe it’s for the best. Maybe they had done something bad in the past so karma.” I told him.

He ruffled my hair, looking away and his eyes were in pain.

The next day, he proposed to Nayeon.

_____

What is love?

Is it lying on your bed in the middle of the night, clutching so hard at the sheets it almost breaks because it hurts to see him being congratulated by the wedding where you’re not the bride? Is it trying to contain those tears away because you hated the fact that you’re crying for a person who never and would probably never see you nothing more than just a friend?

What is the borderline between like and love? Where do I stand? How would I know that I’m in love and these feelings aren’t just a fluke in my emotions because I didn’t get my chance with Younghyun?

When did I start to fall?

I tried to function every day. I smile, I laugh, I answer questions and I try to joke as much as I can but this gaping hole somewhere inside me continues to whistle so loud that sometimes I have to take a step back and remind myself that no, I’m not in love with Younghyun.

______

Alcohol was misery’s bestfriend. I used to not believe that. What could the alcohol do? It wouldn’t heal me, it wouldn’t solve my problems and it certainly isn’t going to help me with Younghyun. But alcohol is misery’s bestfriend. And I feel miserable so I guess that makes alcohol my bestfriend too.

“I don’t want you to marry her.” I told Younghyun while he hoisted me up on the arm, holding me by the waist. How did he know I was at the bar, I had no idea and truthfully, it’s not like I would care. All I know is that this is the first time I’d seen him in weeks, he’s with me and I just felt whole again.

It’s so unfair how he could hurt me just as much as he could make me happy just by being here.

He easily picked me up. Hauling me out the bar and the loud music, he glanced at me.

“What?”

“Don’t… marry Nayeon.” I slurred. I’m not drunk. I could tell what I was doing but I don’t know what’s wrong; why am I having this courage to say these things out loud.

“Why?” He said quietly. He opened the door of his car and let me inside.

“She’s not- not… your… yuan fen.” I giggled, remembering what he said about karma and something more but my brain was too slow to function.

He chuckled but it didn’t sound so happy. It sounded wrong.

“She’s certainly not because I’m marrying her” he muttered, not giving me a glance as he started up the car.

The car roared to life the same time I said, “I love you”

He finally looked at me. He pulled out the car keys, stopping the engine instantly.

“What did you say?”

I laughed drunkenly. “I love you… Youngyun, Kang Younghyun.”

_______

“Why are you leaving?” Younghyun asked, he had his gaze up on the clear waters.

I sighed, running my hand through my hair.

“You know why Hyun.” I said softly mimicking his gaze upon the waters hoping to see what he was seeing.

He kicked the sand dunes softly. It was quiet for some time.

Younghyun is getting married soon and I suddenly have to be stupid and say those things to him while I’m drunk. It’s stupid.

I tried to lie but it was futile. I knew we won’t or he won’t be looking at me the same anymore.

It’s better that I go away. It’ll give him more time to think, more time for me to move on. It’ll give us both time and space for everything.

“I know you... even before we met at the library.” He said quietly.

I whipped my head in his direction but he wasn’t looking at me.

“I have known you since our high school year.” He sighed before chuckling softly and saying,

“I have liked you since then.”

He met my gaze and I began to stutter.

“You…”

“I’m in love with you for a long time now.” 

My heart almost bled at the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard to come out of his lips.

“Do you know the red strings?”

Being with him for so many years, he had mentioned that a long time ago.

“It’s fate again right?” My eyes were starting to water because I knew what he was going to stay.

“If I tell you you’re my red string, will you stay?”

He looked at me imploringly, his eyes begging me to say yes. But it’s too late. Our time has been up ever since that time I met him at the library. We are yuan fen..

“Maybe in the alternate universe, we’ll end up together.” I said even though it breaks my heart to do so.

His eyes changed. He knew what I meant. 

“Please-” he said brokenly and I couldn’t look at him anymore because tears began to flood my eyes.

If only I had just been fast enough to understand my feelings; to understand love then it wouldn’t have ended up this way.

“You know how yuan fen is the karmic relationship? And red strings are the fated. If we’re really yuan fen then believe that someday in our life we will meet again and maybe by then, we’d done something right. Maybe by then, we’d be each other’s red strings too.”

I kissed him on his cheek for the last time. Maybe… someday.

**2025**

Everybody’s telling me to get married. I know I should be but I just couldn’t find it in my heart to marry someone. I don’t like to say this but I know I’m still waiting for Younghyun.

I cut connections with all the people he and I were connected with. I don’t want to be reminded of him even though even before I fall asleep, I still remember his eyes, his voice, his lips, his everything.

Maybe I’m still holding on to that belief that he’s really my red string. I wanted to challenge myself. To see how long I can handle these feelings. If even without him I would still be able to remember his eyes, his voice, his lips, his everything. If I would still be able to remember how I felt whenever he was with me.

I was outside the café, enjoying the last bit of summer sun. It was a nice day to be out.

Coincidence or fate or destiny whatever one may like to call it, well that thing is crazy. It always comes in the moments you least expect it to be.

Like the moment I heard that voice that freezes everything around me, around us and I found myself spinning back down again.

“Yuan Fen” I heard the guy in front of me say.

I looked up and it was the loveliest sight I’ve ever seen.

He had his perfect smile, his slanted eyes bright and still the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. He was wearing his favorite parka that he used to wear when he felt like dressing up. He had his hair back to black. He changed but he was still Younghyun.

He sat down in front of me, tilting his cup as a sigh of cheers and I couldn’t fight the smile breaking out on my lips.

“You’re drinking tea now.” I noticed because back then he could never lay off on his coffee.

“Yeah, I’m getting a little too old for them,” he smiled.

I nodded my head, tilting my cup too.

And it was like seven years ago at the library.

It was quiet for a while both of us staring at each other, soaking in that here we are again, face to face. I couldn’t even feel my smile anymore.

“All by yourself?” he asked still with that beautiful smile on his face that I can’t think properly anymore.

“Yeah” I laughed heady at the fact that right now, I know, Younghyun is in front of me, _finally_ _looking at me._

“You?”

He chuckled before answering.

“I am” he said

And at that moment, I knew that we both knew that it’s that day. 

Yuan Fen were supposed to meet but not to be together and the red strings are the fated. Younghyun and I should not have happened but we may have done something right because here we are breaking the laws of the fated by finally, _finally_ looking at each other.

**END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Tell me what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed that. Follow me @youngksday_ on twitter. I'm more active there. Thanks!


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